00-Loco Defense

The Looney Lowdown

A case study in the development of a defense mechanism

From an early age I realized I had superior cognitive abilities. I was quick to point out the logical and factual errors in the conclusions of others. (I used to get whipped a lot as a preschooler). I learned to keep my opinions to myself. Later, in school, I had the same problem. (I used to get beat up a lot by some and shunned by others). I called the former assholes and the latter idiots. A third type (Some of the adults) were comfortable to be around but I couldn’t hang around with them. I would later call them centered. By the time I reached high school I began to run into centered students (must be a maturing thing). These were viciously castigated by the idiots and assholes and tended to do things like join debating societies and chess clubs. (I joined the CAP) I did a lot of talking to counselors and psychologists. They were all idiots. I began to realize that people, in general, are bipolar (in the sense of the word before it got polluted by psychology) and expected responses in a yes/no, stop/go black/white pattern. By using a third unexpected response (going sideways) , I could side step the question. For instance if shown a picture of a half full/empty glass of water and asked if it was half full or half empty, I would respond “it’s twice as big as it needs to be”. This would cause a few seconds confusion in everyone, the idiots or assholes (I would later call these zombies, the brain eating living dead) would change the subject or go away, the centered would merely think it peculiar. PERFECT, I can avoid assholes and idiots (zombies) and still converse with the centered. It works to this day. In the military I am still running into a bunch of psychologists. (special weapons) still idiots. I ran into my first unlocked-centered person (a term I would use much later) in Germany. I wish she could have spoken English, or I spoke better German. I had met my first peer. Up until then I hadn’t even considered the possibility that there was someone else like me. I thought I was a mutant or something. In fact, I wasn’t crazy, the world was crazy. I was one of the few sane people in the world. It was depressing. After leaving the military, I started to realize that if I kept talking after the sideways it would sometimes affect the thinking of the other. Strange. If the words were front loaded, sometimes the 3 second window of opportunity could be kept open. i.e. if you could only get one word through, what would it be? what about the second, and the third? Oddly enough, it doesn’t seem to matter if the sentence makes grammatical sense. I began to be approached by people with the essential message “I hurt, heal me” So I did. I refined the QD fix and inserted some sage wisdom. (Wisdom is, by nature, simple, a meme, if you will). I’m probably 30 by this time. I dislike doing this unless strongly invited. It’s an invasion of personal space. Like walking in on my secretary while she’s hiking up her panty hose, I don’t care, but she does. It would be immoral of me and un-ethical of a psychologist to insert a meme with the intent of altering a persons thinking. Nothing wrong with inserting something for them to ponder so that THEY can re-consider adjusting THEIR defense mechanism. I began world wide traveling, mostly in Latin America. I preferred the cantinas. My Spanish is limited to “senorita, dos equos, undele, undele”. Even here the centered could spot me. Bizarre. I re-encountered one of these who affectionately hollered “Hey, loco gringo” and waved me over. I like it. I’m el Loco Gringo. These centered were protective of me, walking me back to the hotel because of the “mal hombres”. I rather like the idea of being crazy. It adds a certain panache to one’s persona don’t you think? like having a scar on your face.  “The scar? Just an old dueling scar. That’s why I hate these “first blood” matches, he had to leave himself wide open to score and I could have skewered him.  More chardonnay, My dear?”

If I wrap a perfectly valid ((if unorthodox) think hoochie-koochie) concept in crazy, I find the idiots can’t get past the crazy and go away. A non-idiot however is like a kid on Xmas morning. He can’t wait to discard the wrapper to see the treasure inside. Works perfectly, idiots go away, and I can talk to the non-idiots.

I’ve always been crazy Waylon Jennings My Way – Frank Sinatra

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