Mule


Alternative psychotherapy technique
el Loco Gringo
Yo-Yo U, Nada cum laude, top 98% of class

“Don’t turn down the mule, you might get a pretty one” – el Loco Gringo

Building upon the proud heritage of psychology dating back to the neolithic, I pause to give credit to the giants in the field. The six millenia old concept of the sub-conscious, as revealed in the Vedic scripts, or the concept of personality types as described by Effluvium the elder in ancient Greece. The humors can finally be verified by the Minnesota Multi-Phasic Personality Inventory, and I’m confident, that using the scientific method, in another thousand years they’ll be able to figure it out. Thanks to modern science we no longer have to dance naked around a patient with flickering candles shaking our beads and rattles chanting to expel the demons, we now use a dual core, 5 MHZ computer to drive strobe lights and random noise generators. We no longer have to drill holes in the skull to allow the black bile to escape, we can shoot them up with dopazene to kill of f their brain cells.

Truth is simple and beautiful
deceit is devious and ugly

I would humbly like to propose a less sophisticated model which I have occasionally found useful in dealing with healthy minds exhibiting unusual thought patterns. Although tedious and time consuming, ( it can sometimes take as long as 15 minutes to determine the problem and 30 seconds to effect a cure) it does appear to be effective. So as not to leave the impression that I am casting asparagus on the more nuanced in the hallowed halls of the mental health profession, I propose a less sophisticated vocabulary. After all, the mind does not care how we describe it, it just keeps doing it’s thing, providing us with the behavior patterns we need in a complicated and turbulent world.

Introduction to the mind
& the “key to ANN”

No, ANN is not that strato cumulus co-ed you were doing the ugly bump with in your third semester at Yo-Yo U. (keep both hands on the keyboard, this is important). ANN is an acronym for Allocated Neural Network. It is allocated to maintaining the decision tree inherent in all non-bacterial animal life on earth. I call this decision tree an algorithm. (Not to be confused with Ann and the Algorythms, with their unique blend of head banger, rap, biker, lullaby, classic, country genre of music which swept the nation a few years back) Let’s take the example of a very simple organism with limited sensory input. me/not-me, hunger, sex pretty simple algorithm, if it’s not me, fuck it, if I can’t fuck it eat it, if I can’t eat it or fuck it, avoid it. Pain probably means you came out on the wrong end of the eat/shit process. What do you think? 6 neurons maybe? give it 20, double that for the ANN and double that for upgrades/learning. It is the responsibility of the ANN to monitor the algorithms and send the signals to fuck, eat or avoid as appropriate.

>>Fast forward to 1 million years ago. Picture Lucy, the debonair and demure damsel of pre-human simian haute couture. Picture a chimpanzee walking across the savannas waist deep in grass, daintily scratching her crotch crickets and looking under the occasional rock to see if there are any slugs to eat. Nature calls and she squats to take a dump. A twig snaps, triggering a decision point on her primary algorithm. Oops, this could be important. This is probably not the time to use her superior mental capacities she is capable of with her programmable ANN and secondary algorithms. She needs to react, not respond. Her colon and bladder spasm, her adrenalin levels go through the roof, and she gets out of squat, looking to the sound of the snap to see if it’s lunch time, and if so, for whom. Is she to be the eater or the eatee? Stay tuned for the next episode. Hit the pause. ||

Here we have a pretty Sophisticated critter, several layers of algorithms and about 300 cc of neurons, providing a limited reasoning capacity. I guess she ate lunch because her G G G G G Great granddaughter evolved wetware, a self re-programming awareness. This gave her the ability to control much more memory. A paradigm shift in mental capacities. We’ll call her Eve.

We are not smarter because we evolved more neurons
We evolved more neurons because we are smarter

>>Fast forward to now. Gina sits in her cubicle. She has reached a decision point. Should she do Tom in the stock room or go home for a nooner? In 1/2 second she heads for the stock room. ( the decision was made last night when she had a wet dream about Tom, that’s why it only took 1/2 second. Oh no, Tom isn’t there! Another decision point. Got to think, 1/2 second fire up the cerebral cortex (hate to do that its 3oo calories per hour, and slow) access left hemisphere, 42 minutes left for lunch, Too late to go home, 3 seconds, access right hemisphere, Yup, still horny, 3 seconds. Back to the sex/ love algorithm. Gonna have to settle for tossing off in the ladies room while thinking about Tom. Hit the pause ||

Lets look at what happened here during these 7 seconds. Gina was knocked sideways off her sex/love algorithm by the fact that Tom was not in the stock room. The ANN is not multi-tasking, it cannot process input data AND access the un-Allocated Neural Network (unANN) any input data goes into short term storage until the exit sex/love algorithm is processed. After the 7 seconds the this input data is read into the ANN and processed, merging seamlessly with Gina’s memory of events, giving the illusion of continuity. IT HAS BYPASSED THE SEX/LOVE ALGORITHM.

Introducing Joe, Gina’s boss, he’s fat, his breath smells, he’s got hair growing out of his ears and he laughs when he farts. He is on Gina’s sex/love algorithm with a big NO!!!!!

<< Rewind 7 seconds Oh no, Tom isn’t there 1/2 second passes, Joe walks in and says “lets go up in my office and lock bumpers” algorithm finishes processing and Gina takes a couple steps (1/2 second actually) after Joe before her primary algorithm’s fight/flight mechanism kicks in and she runs screaming from the stock room.

WHOA!!!!! What happened here??? She actually considered doing that slob. This is some powerful shit here folks. It means there is a 3 to 6 second window of opportunity to insert a concept for the patient to reconsider instead of battering away at his defense mechanisms session after session. This isn’t some deep seated psychosis which needs analysis and in depth therapy.. Generally speaking. in a normal mind behaving abnormally, THE DEFENSE MECHANISM IS THE PROBLEM. You’re talking to it, it’s right there in front of you. It’s that simple folks. Your job is to introduce a concept which will cause the patient to reconsider his defense mechanism. All you are doing by battering away at his defense mechanism is re-enforcing it. this approach involves 4 steps, setup, sideways, insert, backout. The sideslip depends on the patient.

EXAMPLE;

Black Christian lady “She called me a nigger”
“White folks have a name for people like that”
(setup)
” What?”
(secret word, interest)
“We call them assholes”
(sideslip)
(shock response)
“She is occupying rent free space in your mind”
(insert)
” Look at her, you aren’t occupying rent free space in her mind”
(begin backout)
“She’s completely forgotten about you.”
“God gave you that mind, it is yours and no one else’s.”
(scolding tone)
” Do NOT allow anyone else to use it.”
(begin maintenance)
“Just like cleaning your kitchen, get your broom and sweep all those assholes in a pile and out the door, don’t forget under the refrigerator.”

That’s it, she’s fixed.

Men “yup, whites were supposed to give all blacks 40 acres and a mule after the war” (setup)
“Don’t need the mule, but I’ll take the 40 acres”
“don’t turn down the mule, you might get a pretty one”
(shock response)
same spiel but shoveling mule shit instead of assholes

Another is The French Connection” – “Ever pick your feet in Poughkeepsie FrenchConnection Thanx to Jutta Although the timing is off. but that’s just a movie

Another is my daughter who heard at a poker game “I breath through elephant ears, it makes my trunk grow long”

Another is the “regroup” meme.

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